You Did A Good Job. Now, Does That Feel Better?
People love getting compliments. It seems like we are wired to love getting compliments, recognition, props, and so on. They are all the same thing. We want to feel special. But guys, do you really need them? If you guys are doing your job just to get a, “Good job,” from your bosses, then you are doing it for the wrong reason. If you’re doing your job because you want that fat bonus check at the end of the year, then you are doing it for the wrong reason. You should do your job because you take pride in your work, and you gain internal satisfaction from it.
How do I feel when I get compliments? Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it embarrasses me. Most times I’m neutral and normal. The only difference is that I don’t seek it. I get my validation from inside myself. I know deep in myself that I did a good job or not. I do things because I want to. I do my job because I want to do a good job on it. I don’t do it to get recognition.
It’s okay to feel good getting recognition, but don’t get addicted to it. If you get addicted to it, you will get upset if you don’t get the validation that you were expecting. Also, if you seek validation too much, criticisms will be much worse. If you keep yourself internally validated, you can control that. You work because you enjoy the work. You work because you want to do it, not to seek validation from other people. So how do you do this?
Develop Genuine Humility
You need genuine humility– not fake humility. Fake humility is similar to when you give a compliment to someone and they say, “Oh I’m not that good,” hoping to get recognition.
To get real humility, you have to first destroy yourself. This doesn’t mean to beat down on yourself and say how crappy you are. Just strip everything away and go down to your core. Then figure out who you really are. You have to know what you are capable of. You have to really know yourself. Once you figure out who you really are, then you know where you stand.
Humility also comes with the belief that you’re not the best. But you can learn from everyone. You have to come from a student mindset– always learning. It doesn’t mean you’re unsatisfied with yourself. You are actually content with where and who you are, but you also know that you have weaknesses and faults, and you want to improve.
Once you strip yourself of most of the baggage and really know what you’re capable of, then you can start gaining genuine core confidence. Once you gain core confidence, then you start to realize that people’s thoughts don’t matter to you. This brings me to my second point:
Don’t Care What Other People Think
You can’t live your life fearing or seeking other people’s judgments. When you accomplish something, don’t flaunt it. Yeah, you worked hard on it, and you’re proud of your work. But why do you want to show it off to everyone? Why do you need to look over your shoulder hoping that someone will notice what you did? Is it that important to you? You should get credit for what you’ve done, but you shouldn’t walk around hoping people will jump out and ask for your autograph.
If you catch yourself wanting something from other people, stop. Stop and ask yourself, “Why do I need this from other people when I know that I worked hard and did my best on it? Why do I need gain pleasure from other people’s opinions?” Dig deep inside yourself and figure it out.
Once you can handle this in your life, it has benefits. Criticisms and insults slide off of you. You just don’t care if you get insulted. I’m not perfect, and criticisms do sting sometimes. But I don’t let the feeling linger. When I get criticized, I take in feedback, let go of the bad emotions, and move on.
Don’t confuse criticisms and compliments as feedbacks. Feedback is important. Feedback helps you to affirm what you already know. It also helps you to figure out what needs to be improved. Feedback helps you to grow. Feedbacks should be emotion free. Criticisms and compliments, on the other hand, are more emotion based. Don’t let the emotions linger around too much. Wipe it away and get to the feedback.
There are other benefits to this because it will make you “free.” Say you’re going to the job interview. You’re really nervous. You have many worries in your head: Do they like you? Will they have a good impression of you? Are you dressed nice? Why do you need to add those stresses to your life? It shouldn’t matter. You should know yourself so well that you know what you’re capable of. And in that job interview, you can talk about yourself confidently because you know who you are.
So guys, just do your thing. Do it to the best of your abilities. Take pride and joy in it. Work hard at whatever you want to accomplish. And do it because you want to do it. Don’t worry if people won’t recognize or appreciate it. Don’t seek attention, and don’t let criticisms destroy your self esteem.
Stumble it!
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